How I ran out of Hair on my Head

     

    It's really funny what happened.. I do not think I could have ever done it. It started simple enough, I changed my hair color quite often, nothing unusual in this, everyone is doing it, to the point when I decided that I wanted to rediscover my natural color. Ha! And I started with a short haircut, to the shoulders, I did not see the change. I said ok, try again, I cut out of it (not me personally, qualified people - sometimes they suck at this) and I'm thinking it's becoming worse, I did not see the damn change.
     One morning, as I sat in my bed half asleep and half off the bed, suddenly the idea hit me. I will mow myself alone. I stood committed, I took a pair of scissors, a hair trimmer and I locked the bathroom door. Initially I thought I set the machine to no. 2, maybe even 1, would be enough to adjust my hair evenly and be happy with it, But nooo! What I had in mind vs. what was in the mirror, not even close. What were Jews in the Holocaust, but that was I. I said fuck this! and took the razor, I managed to shave only a quarter of the hair, because in the next second brother knocks on the door. Nature calls! What to do faster? I did not know what to do, my work was not done! He had no idea what was I doing in there. I quickly took a towel, put it around my head (simulating a hot bath in the morning - not.) and went out as if nothing had happened, of course not before cleaning the evidences.
    Not to say I was expecting guests. My best friend, whom I have not seen her since last summer, thought to come from Suceava, just today .. TODAY. to pay me a visit. In no way I was going to take my towel down, so when I asked her in, I said I have not finished the bath because of my brother. Good one. But she's blonde and it have seemed logical what I said.
    It was a small proof of callousness to let her wait, but something had to be done. So I let her chat with my mother while I ran back into the bathroom, desperate to finish as soon as possible. I am surprised that I have not killed myself while using the razor with such speed. I shaved all the hair off my head, put a towel  back around it and went to show them the surprise. They thought that they would see my recent haircut, similar to the woman working in the foundry. But shock! As I gave the towel down, nobody talked. Nobody not even breathe. And then my mother replied laughing: "What the hell have you done?" and from there began a series of jokes, some good, some not so good. The jokes were made at my expense of course. Now I'm a convict / "Jew" / lightbulb and one that I heard recently. Bendeaca.

P.S. : If you find any mistakes in the text above.. it's maybe because I ain't english. :D

Cum am ramas fara Par pe Cap

     

     E chiar amuzant ce s-a intamplat.. Nu ma gandeam ca am s-o fac vreodata. A inceput destul de simplu, mi-am schimbat culoarea parului destul de des, nimic neobisnuit in asta, everyone is doing it, pana la punctul cand am decis ca vreau sa imi redescopar culoarea naturala. Ha! Si am inceput, cu o tunsoara mai scurta, pana la baza umerilor, tot nu vedeam schimbarea. Am zis ok, mai incerc inca o data, am mai taiat din el (nu eu personal, oameni calificati - sometimes they suck at this) si aveam impresia ca e din ce in ce mai rau, tot nu vedeam schimbarea.

     Intr-o dimineata, cum stateam pe jumatate adormita in pat si jumatate pe jos din pat, dintr-o data m-a izbit ideea. Sa ma tund singura. M-am ridicat hotarata, am luat o foarfeca, masina de tuns si m-am incuiat in baie. Initial am gandit sa setez aparatul cu nr. 2, poate chiar 1, ar fi destul incat sa-mi ajustez parul uniform si sa fiu multumita, but nooo! Ce aveam in minte cu ce era in oglinda, nici macar aproape. Ce erau evreii in timpul Holocaustului, dar ce eram eu. Am zis fuck this! si am luat lama de ras, am reusit sa rad doar un sfert din par, pentru ca in secunda urmatoare bate fratele la usa. Nature calls! Ce sa fac mai repede? Nu stiam ce sa fac, nu era treaba terminata! Nici nu avea habar ce tot fac eu acolo. Am luat repede un prosop, l-am pus in jurul capului (simularea unei bai fierbinti de dimineata - not.) si am iesit ca si cand nimic nu s-a intamplat, bineinteles nu inainte sa curat dovezile.

    Ca sa nu mai spun ca asteptam si musafiri. Cea mai buna prietena a mea, pe care nu am mai vazut-o de vara trecuta, s-a gandit sa vina din Suceava, tocmai azi.. AZI. sa-mi faca o vizita. In niciun caz nu aveam de gand sa-mi dau prosopul jos, asa ca atunci cand am primit-o i-am zis ca nu mi-am terminat baia, din cauza fratelui meu. Good one. Dar e blonda si i s-a parut logic ce am zis. 

    A fost o mica dovada de nesimtire sa o las sa astepte, dar ceva trebuia facut. Asa ca am lasat-o sa converseze cu a mea mama, in timp ce eu am fugit inapoi in baie, disperata sa termin cat mai curand ce am inceput. Ma mir ca nu m-am sinucis cat de repede foloseam lama. Mi-am ras tot parul de pe cap, am pus prosopul inapoi in jurul capului si am iesit sa le arat surpriza. Ele se gandeau ca or sa vada tunsoarea mea recenta, aia de femeie muncitoare in turnatorie. Dar soc! Cum am dat prosopul jos, nimeni nu a mai vorbit.      Nimeni nici macar nu a mai respirat. Si apoi replica mamei razand : "Ce dreaq ti-ai facut?" si de aici au inceput o serie de glume, unele mai bune, unele mai putin bune. Glume facute intre ele pe seama mea evident. Acum sunt convict/"evrea"/beculet si una pe care am auzit-o recent. Bendeaca.