I’ve been meaning to write
this for a long time. You know, so far, I’ve met so many people, I can almost
see a pattern. And guess what? It’s related to their zodiac sign. Although this
comes as no surprise to some, there’s something different about it. Each sign
has a positive and a negative trait, because that’s how things complement one
another in this world and you can’t argue with that. Anyway, if my writing
seems a bit cliché, it’s mainly because I’ve been making reviews for so long,
I’ve damaged my brain. Moving on, here’s how I see the signs, you can take it
personal if you want, but you might as well just have a laugh and enjoy it!
1. Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Any sign can be a pain
in the ass, but this one is a fucker! First of all, they seem friendly and they
want what’s best for you, instead they are a bunch of twisted psychos. Maybe
it’s because people forget their birthdays, maybe they are too much of an
attention whores, or maybe they never settle with little. Here’s a fact, they
will step over dead bodies to reach their goal. And I’ve only met this type of
people. You either lick their ass to be friends or you stay away from them!
KA-BOOM!
2.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Aquarians, yes,
two types. Stupid and slightly stupid. Of course, they are smart, but they tend
to be stupid more. Such as act stupid, speak stupid, and even take a shit
stupid. Asking, is that the right hole for the shit to come out? Most of them
figure out how it works, most don’t. They might think they know what’s right,
99% of the time, they know it, but there is always a 1% change when they fail
miserably. They might think people like them, instead, they scare the shit out
of people, everyone feels unconformable around them and just like any other “normal”
human that runs away from the truth, they’ll run away from you as well. Because
they’d be stupid to let anyone mock them! They’re flawless. AHAHAHA!
3. Cancer
(Jun 21 - July 22)
Cancer. Do you know the
disease? It’s the same thing. At first, you don’t know you have it, and then
they’re all over your shit, taking control and destroying everything you have.
On a positive note, some cancer signs have a cure, and that cure consists of
self-awareness, self-education, self-care and of course, selflessness. Yes, it
refers to stop being a selfish ass, stop selling that stinking fish! No one is
going to buy it, and you’ll be fed to the cats! I haven’t encountered many
cancers, but if you have something to say... SAY IT!
4. Taurus
(Apr 20 - May 20)
Taurus might
seem attractive at first, you’ll tend to believe they are funny and charming,
and wow! Such great personalities! NOT. They are communists. They will sell you
for nothing. They don’t give a shit about your opinion. Because their main goal
is to add a stepping stone aka you, to their ladder. They'll make mistakes and
keep you accountable for them. You might think they are compassionate, and
listen to you, and care about you, but instead, they just zoomed out a bit. Because
that's how far the pride goes and above all, it inflates their ego to believe
they actually have a role. The positive side refers to not giving a shit about
anyone's feelings. They are dead inside and they bore the shit out of me. BRAIN
DEAD!
5. Pisces
(Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom. That’s exactly how they are. They might tell
you how courageous they are and ready for battle, but when faced with a
situation, guess who’s going to run crying? I am kidding of course. There are
situations where they’ll just pee their pants. But that’s it. Once you’ll grab
them by their tails, because they are fish, they’ll start to struggle to get
out. The same thing applies to humans as well, are you willing to fight for your
life, or you’ll settle in a fry pan? I’ve seen both types and that is that.
Some get to meet more fish in the sea and some gets sent over the sea. CAPTURED
AND DEAD.
6. Virgo
(Aug 23 - Sept 22)
The Sarcasm Masters, or
how to get punched for nothing. Yes, Virgos are funny, they make you laugh,
they get you pregnant and then they disappear. To work of course. Soft pussy
faggots at first glance, they are quite smart and like to mind their own business
and unless someone decides to take over them, they won’t do shit. Just give
them the illusion of control and some Chinese food and they’re all yours. Yes,
you’ve figured, that’s how I got my husband. Now I have to keep him under
control because he turned into an untamed beast with guns instead of arms,
ready to smash any keyboard. The downside of this sign is the non-stop
chatting. THEY WON’T SHUT THE FUCK UP! And sports. They like sports. Cockroach
racing to be more precisely. And sheep counting. STOP! GET SOME HELP!
7. Scorpio
(Oct 22 - Nov 21)
Scorpios have
good comebacks to anything you’ll say to them. They can really piss you off
sometimes, because they think they are in control of everything. Another trait
of this sign is their low profile, they would rather observe than be observed.
With soft appearances and nothing out of ordinary with them, as soon as you get
to REALLY know them, you’ll be amazed of what they are capable of. I’ve met
just a few, they are chill and DARK HUMOUR is their middle name. I guess you
can trust them.
8. Leo
(Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Leos are natural performers who love being at the center of
attention and acting funny
helps them to do just that. They are
heavy breathers and usually have heart issues, also to get your attention. They
comply with being comfortable and taking the road most travelled, because it’s
easier for them to just get carried around. With a self-perception that has
nothing to do with reality, they tend to get mocked and that pisses them off a
lot. They often play childish games that no longer fit the adult life, only to
drag themselves more in the mockery zone. The positive traits are the
short-term-demo-limited edition compassionate moments, when they seem to
actually be in your shoes, but don’t get caught up. They’re just projecting.
They are out of body and OUT OF MIND!
9. Aries
(Mar 21 - Apr 19)
Aries are known for their goofy, light-hearted sense of humor
and are no strangers to using physicality to make sure their joke lands. Funny walks, funny faces and pratfalls coming very
easily to them. Just don’t take it too far and hurt yourself! We all know exactly what hides behind this small
circus of yours, we appreciate the effort but just stop forcing it upon us like
it’s a real thing! You’re going to keep on laughing until you’ll suddenly start
crying because of how miserable you feel. Just face it, YOU NEED HELP! And just
ask for it. It’s not like the other signs don’t need help, you just have an
annoying way of asking for it. CHANGE IT!
10. Gemini
(May 21 - Jun 20)
Geminis are douchebags.
All of them. In a good but bad way. They are smart, witty smart, they know
exactly what they’re doing, or do they? THEY DON’T. They don’t know shit. Most
of them get enlightened with a flash-light, because they only know bits and
pieces while they miss the ENTIRE point. They are loners, even in a
relationship, they get caught in their own thoughts. The only way to get them out
is to show some skin. They also lose interest fast, so the right person for
them is someone careless, annoying and with hidden purposes. Geminis will
believe anything you’ll tell them, as long as you do as they please, but beware
guys! There are some harsh repercussions that go hand in hand with your
desires. Here’s a quote that is perfect for you: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR,
BECAUSE YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT! And most of the times, you do get it, and it
will be the end of you.
11. Libra
(Sept 23 - Oct 21)
Weirdly friendly
Libra is the social lame butterfly
of the entire zodiac,
so it means that they are
unstable and will probably die because of an overdose or from another bad habit
they have. They are mentally unstable and tend to think that they know best.
You might also encounter them in weird jobs such as bending paper clips and rubbing
the mint. Seriously, they lack a direction in life and when it comes to
choosing a good mate… They fucking fail! So, they are basically compromising
their own lives with poor LIFE choices and that is the fun part! WAKE UP!
12.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
These archers know their
shit. LITERALLY. Besides making fun with them about others, you never get bored
with these guys. Every single one of them I’ve met, no regrets. They have a
good heart and a good understanding of human’s nature, almost. The downside is
that they get too caught up in their own passions and sometimes they forget to
live fully. Or that’s just my opinion. They work hard for what they love and they
always reach the top. Some of the people I know are very popular and influence
others as well to take their path. That’s how I became a barber and I am
thankful for this. You can learn some precious lessons from them so when you’ll
meet one… PAY ATTENTION! They also can’t read English. And that’s sad.
Oh! You think there’s too
much negativity? This is just a sample. I wrote this out of curiosity to see if
anyone enjoys this and by the way, this is funny negativity. Stop hating!
END
